Raise a Glass

This blog has been a journal for me for a very long time. It has helped me to think about what I say before it comes out..most of the time! All my hard times I haven't written about. Maybe that is why I haven't written for a while. Maybe that is why I haven't written for most of the year. One thing that has struck me the last few days though is that I am not immortal. I can't recover faster than is necessary. I can't think that I can go without sleep for days! I can try all I want but when it comes down to it: I am still messed up. I am not trying as hard as I should because I am afraid of my emtions half the time. I can't save the world. I need to start with me.
I have to pretend that I am ok sometimes. Who doesn't do that?! But putting off feeling does nothing but give you tumors. that one I know by experience. I have felt angry at my body for that off and on for a year now. that isn't right to my body. No one should beat them selves up for something that happens that the doctors can't even explain. It is mroe then time for me to let go!
I know it won't be easy but I know that I need to or I will hurt more from something similar in the future.
I am moving to Maryland. I don't know how to feel about that. I like to call it the zit on the US. I am scared to death! Arizona is my home. I know that I need to go though. This is the best thing that can happen and I need to take it with open arms.
So here is my toast. Here is to my adventure! no matter where I go, no matter who I am with, I will look for new experiences!
~Chy