Monday, January 31, 2011

Sometimes I like to be read to

Can you remember those books that you used to read over and over again? I have one of those books. I first read Little Women when I was 10, and have read it many times since then. As you can imagine-in my mind- I was always Jo. Always wanted to be something I wasn't.
Reading has been my escape from life right now, and as I am in the middle of two other books I decided that I would get the audio book of Little Women instead this time. I feel like I am 12 years old again! I listen and all I can think of are times that were simple. I was the most awkward child growing up. believe you me, but it was the year I was most happy. I wasn't worried about boys or how I looked, unlike most of my friends at the time.If I was smart enough, or even if others would like being around me. I was just fighting, and losing against growing up.
It was the year before my mum got remarried, the year before I met my first heart break, and a year-ish before I moved to Prescott.
All of these were good improvements in my life though I didn't know it at the time.
I know I am here for a reason. It may just be to want simplicity in my life again. Who knows! But I am here, and I am healing for the first time since I was at that simple age in life. I may just find it again:)

Saturday, January 29, 2011

Why do we Collect them?

Last semester we were told to look at this painting by Edward Hopper, and take inspiration from it. I loved this exercise. We only did it once but I have done it on my own a few times since. I thought I would share it.

My train arrives at 6:15 and I am leaving New York forever. Have you ever heard the phrase,
“ You’ll collect more bees with honey than you will with vinegar.”? My grandmother has told me that since I was quite young. Why do we want to collect these bees though?
Thinking you know something is admitting ignorance. I had all I wanted yet there is nothing I want more than my freedom, and that thing we call ignorance. I had the husband of high standard, the house, and the social life sticky of people who pretend they care. My miscarriage is what made me really see what was being woven around me.
Affairs, illegal trades and secrets. Secrets, that I helped make and keep. I had what most people would call an emotional break down. I call it my wake up call. I cut my hair and am dressed so that no one will recognize me. Even though there is only one person here other than myself. I feel as though there are a thousand tiny eyes watching my every move.
So yes I leave husbandless and with little money in my shallow pockets. My absence will go unnoticed for a little while and when the questions start arousing I will be no where they can find me.
Yes I say this with the slightest of smiles. I have please everyone other than myself and this is where I start. That and thinking for myself. No more will I collect these God forsaken bees! Because now I am the queen. One with no subjects and no home. Oh where will my hive be?

This helped get me my finally grade, because it showed that I could use original voice and metaphor on the spot that was completely original. we only had about 7 minutes to do it. I read this the other day and just made me think about the metaphor I was trying to should here. Why do we feel like we need to please others, and do what in the end hurts us? That isn't what is meant to happen in our lives. It wasn't what was planned for us, and we shouldn't make it what our lifes are. we have a purpose. we shouldn't waste it. I hope you enjoy it.