Maybe

Maybe I am an angry person. It pisses me off when I am getting an A in my English class, yet in Zoology I am getting a B because the teacher is nitpicking my papers. He says he is just grading it as an english professor. No, because english professors are more open to writing style. He gave me 19 out of 25 because he didn't like my word choice! I had my english professor look at it and she said it looked great!
I love the subject of Zoology, but I imagine a fork sticking out of my teachers eye every time I see him!

Angry

"Do you ever get tired of being an angry person?"

That was the question I was asked the other day!

I promise you that I am not angry. I am simply frustrated and worn out.

I am just done with life and the people I deal with in it on a daily basis. I feel a little used for others' gain.

I'm sorry if that is to honest, but that is the truth. I feel very overwhelmed at times because I just can't be everything for everyone. 

For example: I helped a women's daughter sign up for the community college here in town. After I had helped her do the online paperwork and taken her down to the college for a quick tour of the campus, I took her home. At her house the women asked if I was voting this year. I told her that I was not able to because I wasn't registered for this state and that I hadn't figured out how to get the AZ paper ballot. I was then chewed out for a good five minutes! I'm sorry that I didn't have the extra hundred dollars to switch to my driver's license to Maryland. I am also sorry that you are dumb and too lazy to help your own daughter sign up to go to college. May I also add that this women asked me to come over in the past and help with signing up her daughter, and I put aside time to do so and last minute she told me not to come over because she (the women not the daughter) had too much to do. 

Yes, I am sorry that I am an angry person. I am also sorry that I don't have more to give. it is just what it is I guess.
P.S.
On top of chewing me out for that, when I said that I was going to grab lunch with a friend, she said that if I "set my priorities straight" I would have the money to have my license switched over.

No. I'm not angry at all. I'm just done.

I Love it When...

People say stupido things like, 

"I know how you feel"

"I understand what you are going through"

Or even better yet,

"I completely understand because..." and then they go to their story.

I know that in life that others understand what is going on, but they in no way understand how the other is feeling. It isn't possible. It is simply a figure of speech. 

People often say that artists are tortured individuals. In complete honesty, we are simply the only ones who are willing to express the feelings inside in a way that is visible to others. Without a way to express ourselves we would be tortured.

 I wish I was better at expressing myself with words. I wish that with all my heart. I can't do that without hurting others I feel though. Whenever I open up I feel I hurt those that are closest to me. I used to carry notebook after notebook around with me. Now, I have tools of the artist's trade. I create plans and pieces. I try to create art. There is no true definition of what art is. The artist is only limited to the imagination.

I hate election years because that is all I hear about! I don't care anymore. I really, honestly don't care about who gets elected because they are both corrupt politicians. Did anyone else know that there was a 6.4 earthquake in Japan Oct 1st? I didn't because I didn't hear it on the news because they are only reporting propaganda for the election. I also didn't hear anything on Yahoo! or Google about the 7.7 earthquake in Canada other then the report I looked up on CNN.
I don't want to hear more lies about what the next President will supposedly do for the country. That is the fact of the matter.

the way I eat candy

According to my friend Paige, I eat my 3 Musketeers candy bar inappropriately. 

"you are not supposed to strip your candy bar!"

She also claimed that I was eating "Nude-get"

Hahaha. Thanks Paige!

my art

 I may be demented, but I love what I do.

Stay tuned for the next part of the series.

Dear Cold...

I hate you. I hate that my ears freeze when I run in you and that my eye glass frames are frozen by your slightest breath. I don't like my chilly toes (even when I am wearing two layers of socks), or my drippy nose.
I do like the colors that you make the leaves and hot chocolatey mornings. Snuggling on the couch with a blanket while watch old musicals. I even like the way frost looks on the windows.
I beg you: please don't let it snow for at least another month. I might not do well if you bring that dreaded, fluffy stuff.
Sincerely,
the girl that is shivering in the library.

Dylan

The only thing I want at times is to hear my best friend's voice on the other side of the wire. I didn't think that two years would be that long. It is just the few times I take the time to slow down that the flood gates open.

Without Art the Earth Would be Eh

I want to create art that makes people think. I want to challenge what is in their minds as normal and make them want more. I want to show them that there is more than just their opinions that matter. I want to show them what they have never felt before. It isn't about shocking people to me. It isn't about making them judge something that they are looking at in a way that they deem worthy. It is about showing them what I have to say, how I feel, and what I want them to know that they didn't previously know. Art is about sparking ideas and inspiring others to make a difference. Art is part of who I am and always has been. It was there for me when I felt that no one else was. It has and always will inspire me. Ultimately, it is about point of view. You can have a thousand people draw the Grand Canyon, but still end up with a thousand different unique pieces. Art is a huge part of my identity. I wouldn't change that for the world.

Laughing till the Tears Fall Down

This week is going to be an adventure. The Rondo is in the shop getting fixed; Thus, dad needs to use the Buick to get to work. I am being dropped off at school after Quayde is finished with seminary. He has to be at Seminary by 6 AM. We have to leave the house at 5:35 AM. If I want to shower then I have to either take one before bed or get up early to get one before we leave. I start class at 8:30 AM and end at 5:20 PM. Thursdays I have Institute after school that I drive and hour to get get to. It starts at 8 PM. Did I mention that it takes almost 45 minutes to get home from school? This is going to either be a really amusing week for those that have the pleasure of being within ear shot of me, or a complete melt down on my part. If you think about it, both of those are likely to happen at the same time depending on if you are you or myself. I say this because I was in tears laughing this morning over Hell knows what! Thank goodness I only have to be at the La Plata Campus on Tuesdays and Thursdays. No one quite knows how long it will take to get the Rondo fixed. It is only the Air conditioning that needs to be repaired. Knowing dealerships though, it will take a while.
Day one. let the count down begin!

ME...

I love funky jewelry! it makes me laugh really hard when people walk up to me and ask, almost in a discussed tone," what are you wearing?"
I simply reply, " my personality."

The little things

It is always the little things in life that make you laugh your guts out. A great example of this is the story that my mom told me this morning of the evening's misunderstanding.
My Nana and her best friend Rose were here visiting for a few days. Sadly, they left this morning. Last night however my mom was showing them my...cough, cough.. I mean her favorite toy she was given last Christmas. Being the excitement of the toy ( a silhouette cameo) and it being their last night with us they were up quite late. I was not as big on the idea of staying up all hours because I had a long day at school and was looking forward to a soft, sad bed that was in need of some comforting and quality time. I had a lot to carry upstairs from my car and thought I had been successful in not dropping anything on the way. This morning I was informed otherwise.
I always carry a few hand sanitizing wipes with me everywhere I go. I am unfortunately running out of the nice ones I purchased in AZ the last time I visited. They are Giovanni towelettes that smell of lavender. Just looking at them and not knowing that they are hand wipes anyone would think that they are ...cough, cough... not hand wipes. So when dear, sweet Rose picked it up and gave it to my mother with a look I can only imagine to be a combination of humor and horror; my mom was ecstatic that I had dropped it and was now claiming it for her own!  Can you not imagine her jumping up and down saying, "It's one of the good one! I'm so not going to give this back to her!"
She didn't actually tell Rose or Nana that it wasn't a condom so I have no idea what they would have thought at the excitement of my mother's "it's mine, I'm not giving it back" dance.
I love our family!

Again?...

If I don't start expressing myself again then I will not survive this next few months. I was told by a friend and relative that they missed my blog. Here you are! I will try again for me and for you. I will be completely honest though and that is my only disclaimer. If this is for me then it will really be for me. Not for the reader. I love to write, but often don't let myself do so because of the labels I put on it: I don't want others to be because it is not good enough, or I don't have to time right now because... You get the picture. 

I write because it makes me feel whole. When I was a lot younger I used to carry notebook after notebook with me so that I could have that release. I stopped that because of the labels I started to put on my life. I still need that release, but have turned to other things such as Dr. pepper and over loading myself with so much to do that I can't breathe let alone take care of myself. Even now as I am typing this I feel the pressing need to cry because for the first time in a long time I feel like I am being honest with myself.

So, here I am. Being honest!