Offended?

This morning I was Visiting with some of the ladies in my church. About half way through the three of us talking the lady to my left turns to me and says," you so remind me of Bella from Twilight! the Beautiful dark hair, fair skin, and that you just moved here from Arizona." I know that I might get shot for this, but I don't like Twilight and never will. I have read part of it once. don't get me wrong she is a good Author(some would say), but I am not into the vampires and I don't like the way that she writes. I am also LDS like the author and do not agreed with some of the things that are in her writing. I know that every other little Mormon girl has read the books, but I am not most Mormon girls! I like to read stuff that has more substance to it than just a fling read. Thanks for the compliment of a character that i know that you like! :)

Kathryn Schulz: On being wrong | Video on TED.com

Kathryn Schulz: On being wrong | Video on TED.com


I Have had a lot of theories, philosophies and beliefs. But sometimes, sometimes they just didn't end up the way I hoped, and I am left standing thinking,' I was just ignorant or to proud?'. Sometimes we just have to say 'I don't know' and admit we are wrong.

Mine once again!

I wrote this on the plane ride back to Maryland. I was tired and grumpy. I didn't really want to leave the heat or my friends/family. But here I am, still wanting to know what I am doing here.

Mine once again

From the smell of the dust in the air to the way the ground is so dry, I have missed everything about you.
Your bright, hot, unforgiving sun I have craved for you long from the hell I know dwell in.
I see my solo friends with their arms in the air, almost as though they are greeting me.
'Salutations, Sir. Saguaro!' though unmoving his arms, and his dangerous lips do not open, he says more than the coyotes at night.
'Your home! Now please stay." His plea is not the only one. The rocks, the lizards, and even the few plants appear from no where to give me this same plea.
Wet magic slips from my eyes as I turn away. 'Please, do not ask me today.' as a gentle breeze pulls dust past my face I wish I could give them a different answer.
But for now the West is mine! so I raise my head to its sun, and let him sizzle my tears away. For today this is mine, my Arizona once again.

In this new land I live in, there is no such thing as happy smiles. No matter where you go you will find a sad expression and a growl. Why is this?! I think that only at church have I seen a smile and a welcoming expression. Even then, there is some forlornness in their eyes. Sometimes I feel like I am being sucked into the towns depression. Being someone that has lived in the same state for almost of my whole life, this is still new to me.
Yesterday I had a very funny thought. What if someone from here moved to my little home town? They would think we were all on drugs! No seriously, they would think that they had moved to a town that had lost their marbles some where along the way. There are always smiles and funny things happening. And my town is a small little nothing in the middle of the pretty much no where. But because of that the people who live there know how to entertain themselves.
What could make this place so sad? Any ideas?!
Only three more days...

I'm sorry

I was not aware until a day or so ago that my posts were being put up on Facebook! I think I changed stuff around so that won't happen anymore. I don't mind people reading my post, but I don't want it posted all over a public page that is viewed by a lot of people.

With that said! I feel the need to say sorry to anyone I have hurt in anyway, shape, or form. I just became aware of a friend that felt I had been doing things on purpose to hurt others. That is not the case, but now there is nothing I can do but hope that this individual and others will remember what kind of person I am, and that that will stand to rectify the misunderstandings.

There are things I don't understand about girls. Though I am one, I also didn't go to high school. I also only have ever had one or two friends in the past that were girls. No I am not kidding. The only way I knew about the high school drama was through other people. Eventually I was involved in a little myself, which made all the more aware of my gratitude to my Mum for not public schooling me. I know that there are advantages and losses to ever form of schooling, and I know that Home Schooling was the best choice for me.
There is little more I can say on the matters above but hope that they are taken the right way.

Sometimes I like to be read to

Can you remember those books that you used to read over and over again? I have one of those books. I first read Little Women when I was 10, and have read it many times since then. As you can imagine-in my mind- I was always Jo. Always wanted to be something I wasn't.
Reading has been my escape from life right now, and as I am in the middle of two other books I decided that I would get the audio book of Little Women instead this time. I feel like I am 12 years old again! I listen and all I can think of are times that were simple. I was the most awkward child growing up. believe you me, but it was the year I was most happy. I wasn't worried about boys or how I looked, unlike most of my friends at the time.If I was smart enough, or even if others would like being around me. I was just fighting, and losing against growing up.
It was the year before my mum got remarried, the year before I met my first heart break, and a year-ish before I moved to Prescott.
All of these were good improvements in my life though I didn't know it at the time.
I know I am here for a reason. It may just be to want simplicity in my life again. Who knows! But I am here, and I am healing for the first time since I was at that simple age in life. I may just find it again:)

Why do we Collect them?

Last semester we were told to look at this painting by Edward Hopper, and take inspiration from it. I loved this exercise. We only did it once but I have done it on my own a few times since. I thought I would share it.

My train arrives at 6:15 and I am leaving New York forever. Have you ever heard the phrase,
“ You’ll collect more bees with honey than you will with vinegar.”? My grandmother has told me that since I was quite young. Why do we want to collect these bees though?
Thinking you know something is admitting ignorance. I had all I wanted yet there is nothing I want more than my freedom, and that thing we call ignorance. I had the husband of high standard, the house, and the social life sticky of people who pretend they care. My miscarriage is what made me really see what was being woven around me.
Affairs, illegal trades and secrets. Secrets, that I helped make and keep. I had what most people would call an emotional break down. I call it my wake up call. I cut my hair and am dressed so that no one will recognize me. Even though there is only one person here other than myself. I feel as though there are a thousand tiny eyes watching my every move.
So yes I leave husbandless and with little money in my shallow pockets. My absence will go unnoticed for a little while and when the questions start arousing I will be no where they can find me.
Yes I say this with the slightest of smiles. I have please everyone other than myself and this is where I start. That and thinking for myself. No more will I collect these God forsaken bees! Because now I am the queen. One with no subjects and no home. Oh where will my hive be?

This helped get me my finally grade, because it showed that I could use original voice and metaphor on the spot that was completely original. we only had about 7 minutes to do it. I read this the other day and just made me think about the metaphor I was trying to should here. Why do we feel like we need to please others, and do what in the end hurts us? That isn't what is meant to happen in our lives. It wasn't what was planned for us, and we shouldn't make it what our lifes are. we have a purpose. we shouldn't waste it. I hope you enjoy it.